Trex Kelley: Agent for H.I.R.E. Movie Poster

Poster for the fake movie "Trex Kelley: Agent for H.I.R.E". Movie plot:

As a child, Trent Xavier Kelley would sit up late at night reading Ian Fleming and Robert Ludlum novels. While the other
kids played "Cops and Robbers", "Cowboys and Indians" or "Dungeons and Dragons", Trent only ever wanted to play
"Interrogate the Mole". As a result, Trent didn't have many friends as a child. As a teen, he was expelled from High
School after an incident involving locking a cheerleader from a rival school in a car, and torturing her with "Barry
Manilow's Greatest Hits" until she revealed all her football team's strengths and weaknesses. He may have gotten
expelled, but his school's team went undefeated that year. Now an adult, Trent still believes his destiny is to be the
world's greatest secret agent, despite the fact that no agency in the world would touch him with a ten foot pole. Not
letting little things like lack of training, zero aptitude for the job and marginal common sense get in his way - he decided
to start his own secret agent agency - Helpful Intelligence Recon and Espionage... H.I.R.E.
Although advertising a freelance super-secret intelligence agency on the internet may seem counterproductive (Their
headquarters are easily found on Google Maps), it fit right into Trent's airtight spy logic: "hide in plain sight". With the
help of his girlfriend Dolly (codename: Dollface) and his childhood pal Eugene (codename: Genie), H.I.R.E. would gain
minor success in many low-profile missions. (Operation: Facebook Fiasco, Operation: Pajama Party and Operation:
Lunchmeat). Indeed... it would seem that Trent's dream of being a world class spy was just that... a dream. But one day,
a mysterious visitor named Anon A. Mousse would change everything.
Mr. Mousse would present the team with a plush teddy bear he would call "special" and "very valuable". The agency's
mission would be to get this bear across country, and safely delivered to a man named S. Quarrel. He promises it would
be a dangerous mission as there are those who would do anything to get their hands on this particular bear. With no
other cases to pursue, $10,000 cash to take the job and another $50,000 upon completion, and the possibility of
danger?!? It was an offer they couldn't refuse. Operation: Beartrap was in effect! What H.I.R.E. didn't know, was that
the eyes of the bear were actually priceless stolen gems, and that they were being used as mules to illegally transport
them. Furthermore, they were pawns in a much larger international jewel smuggling ring... one that already had the
attention of Scotland Yard.
It's not long into their journey before the "bear hunters" would start to come out of the woodworks. The Russian
Seductress (codename: Natasha) who gets just a little too friendly with Trex. She is trying to get to the bear for her
gangster boss (codename: Boris). Of course Trex is so much into playing the suave leading man to her villainess, he
doesn't realize how deadly she really is. The Hitman (codename: Stutter). An imposing man with a bad speech
impediment. He has been hired to retrieve the jewels by their rightful owner. Agent Conrad (codename: Brenda). An
actual MI-6 agent who is following Trex and company in hopes of busting the entire jewel operation. Although H.I.R.E.
will believe they are doing an amazing job, it is in reality Brenda who saves them from capture and death at almost every
turn.
By train, plane, boat, bus and bicycle – follow the crazy adventures of our intrepid agents for H.I.R.E. as they are pursued
and hunted across the country. There will be thrilling stunts, paintball fights, escalator chases, cross-dressing, romance,
a hysterical set of mix-ups involving 5 identical teddy bears, and an action packed comedic climax you will not want to
miss! I bet this never happened to “the other guy”.

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